If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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