Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.

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(630): View more from Illinois

The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..

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(352): View more from Florida

I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5

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(631): View more from New York

i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.

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(812): View more from Indiana

Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue

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(301): View more from Maryland

He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"

(1-301): View more from Maryland

Soulmates.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no

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(609): View more from New Jersey

Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.

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(703): View more from Virginia

I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw

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