Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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