They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
