i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
