a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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