shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
