fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
