You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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