He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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