Porn is love you can see.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
