I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
