Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
