Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
