I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
