I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
