Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
