I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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