My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
