Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We need to get me chipped asap
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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