I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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