We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
