I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I wear drunk well.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
