What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
