what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
