Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
