great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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