I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
