I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Found the puke drawer
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
