He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
