things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
