If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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