he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
