He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
