Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
