thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
