Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
