ya dads aren't the best wingmen
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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