Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
