My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Randomize
