If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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