I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
