she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
