It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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