turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize