I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
