butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
