I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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