im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
