Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
